Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Comic Book Secret Santa

Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! And happy whatever holiday you celebrate. Tis the season of giving. In that spirit, our favorite comic book characters put in for vacation time from their usual antics to do their Secret Santa shopping. Let's see how that turned out.

I'm sorry, I thought people
would've liked the change.

To: Black Canary
From: Alfred

My dear Dinah, for you I have a(-nother) new costume. I have no doubt you've become quite accustomed to your recent look, but I must suggest another change. This look is not becoming of a hero of your stature. I have taken the liberty of making another costume for you which is certainly more fitting for a Bird of Prey. As the rest of the team would say "kick some..." *ahem* "...ass." Do take care.

Nuff said.

To: Johnny
From: Reed

Johnny, I've designed some contraceptives attuned to your specific DNA. Stop laughing Johnny. No, it isn't my place to dictate what you do in your off time and with whom you do it with. I do, however, suggest you protect yourself. Without going into detail, I deduce that your powers may burn away protection and possibly anything else. While Franklin and Valeria would love a cousin, I think we can all agree that a little Torch (heaven help us if that were plural) running around would be a monumental disaster. I have not discussed this with Sue or Ben, so this is between us. Please do wear these. For everyone's sake.

Herald? Herald?! Are you listening
to me? Turn that device off.

To: Silver Surfer
From: Your friends, the Fantastic Four

Dearest friend Norrin, we bring you the gift of entertainment. We're sure you get bored, so we fitted your board with an amped up XM Radio. While you're out heralding and scouting planets (preferably not Earth) for your master, the Devourer of Worlds, you'll have access to what Johnny and Ben refer to as the "hottest jams." Johnny's taste is quite questionable at best, but it's the thought. Enjoy.

For the man who
has everything.

To: Batman
From: Joker

Hey Bats ol' buddy. Let's say we put our differences aside for a while. For such a great detective, you sure can make some questionable choices. Naughty, naughty. So I got you a little gift, Sidekicks for Dummies. And talk about the gift that keeps on giving. While you read it, I won't even try to kill any of your adopted teammates. As for the rest of Gotham, well that's a different story. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. See ya around Batman.

A steady gig is just what
I need right now.

To: Sara Pezzini
From: Jim Downing (I'm the new Spawn guy over at Image)

I know we haven't met, but I could use your help. I've been getting closer to figuring out who I am, but I could use some assistance. Your detective skills are some of the best in the biz and your other skills would come in handy as well. I know your move to Chicago has been kind of crazy. With all the attention I've received, I've gained a bit of wealth, so money is no object for your services. You've been off in these fantasy lands and dealing with all these other supernatural shenanigans. Hopefully, this will help you get a bit more stabilized. Oh, and don't worry, I won't tell anybody about the Witchblade.

I am grateful,
Asgardians. I love
the new toys.

To: Hela
From: All the Asgardians not doing anything with thyselves right now.

Our gift to thee be some damn(-ed) souls. Most of thy clan has been thirsty for battle. Enemies appeared. There was bloodshed. Thou now has souls.

Which of these gifts would you have liked? Do you think these gifts came from the heart? Let the world know. Happy holidays to everyone. Safe travels. Happy reading.