Thursday, October 31, 2013

Halloween Five-Pack Part 4: Who To Avoid

Happy Halloween! For this fourth and final segment of Halloween Five-Packs, here are the houses you should stay away from. They won't ruin your night, but you'll be better off avoiding them.

The Riddler
Imagine walking up to Edward Nigma’s house and upon screaming out the customary “trick or treat,” you are met with a riddle. Not only is the man donned in green question marks not answering you, but he’s putting YOU on the spot. You just want some Starburst, not figure out the answer to “what is Batman’s greatest defeat,” as seen in Batman #619. Edward, sir, you should get comfortable hearing trick if you keep up with your antics.

Superior Spider-Man
Yes, you read that right: Superior Spider-Man. Why would going to Doc Ock’s house be a bad idea? If you didn’t know, the guy can be a bit of a jerk. Assuming he’s home, he’ll spout off some nonsense about not having time for such juvenile antics. Again, you just want to show off your costume and get some candy. Being belittled was not on the itinerary.

Guy Gardner
This ornery Lantern will likely engage in some Halloween festivities. But he’s the type of guy to give out all the candy no one wants such as Good & Plenty or some weird peanut butter candy. I’m cringing at the thought. Let’s just hope Oa is in dire trouble today. While he’s saving that planet, he’s saving trick-or-treaters from having to throw out terrible candy.

Madame Web
Oh my, what couldn’t go wrong at Madame Web’s house? Oh, you couldn’t wait to show off your cool costume? Well prepare to be covered in webs. You want some flavored Tootsie Rolls, but you’re going to hear about your future. And the word “bleak” may define it for some of you. You’d best avoid this web of weirdness.

Hulk
Let’s take a look at the reasons to avoid Bruce Banner’s home. First, imagine this uptight guy being interrupted regularly throughout the day. Yeah. He’s too busy trying to figure out when ANOTHER Hulked up character is going to appear. Second, after he doesn’t offer up the expected Halloween sacrifice of tasty treats (and this is Bruce Banner, so you know he won’t), his house will be covered in toilet paper. That’s bound to happen to many people, yes. But we’re talking about the Hulk here. When Bruce sees his front yard looking like the aftermath of a mummy hurricane, he’s going green and I don’t mean in the separation of glass and plastic sort of way. Just keep walking.